What Happens When You're Forced to Step Back From the Daily Load of Parenting?Dec 23, 2022
In my final episode for 2022 I tackle the idea that sometimes we need to stop and take a break. As someone who is passionate about parenting and being a small business owner I find this really really hard, but recently I was forced to do just this and in this episode I share a bit about what happened when I did.
I also wanted to round out the year with a highlight of some of my favourites as well as yours.
Episode 3: Information Overload in Modern Parenting
Episode 8: Building Tools for Feelings
Episode 9: Digital Safety and Children with Paul Davis
Episode 18: Being Your Child's Safe Space Doesn't Mean They Can Treat You Unkindly
Episode 12: Parent Overwhelm and the Habit of Doing Too Much
Episode 22: Is Saying 'Be Careful' Really Not Specific Enough?
Note: The transcript below may not be exactly the same as the podcast and has not been edited for accuracy
Tara Gratto 00:01
Hello, and welcome. I'm Tara, the founder of raising resilient children. I support parents with the tools and skills they need to become the parent they want to be. Using my signature framework, the language of kindness and parent clues for problem solving. I teach you ways to make parenting easier, while fostering connection and building essential life skills for resiliency. As a longtime educator, former preschool owner and parent, I have been working with parents and children for over 20 years. From this experience, I know there is no cookie cutter approach to parenting and information can be overwhelming. Let's tackle some of this by having some important conversations and digging into some different topics.
All right, so today is going to be my last podcast episode for 2022. And then I'm going to be taking a bit of a break. And I won't be back to weekly podcasting until mid January. And I was thinking about how important it is that I actually record a, an episode about this. So I work in the parenting space, as you know, and I am a parent. And that means that I'm always on call, even when I don't want to be, even when other life events come up. There is no room for breaks, right. And I think this resonates with people differently. This idea that once you enter parenthood, it is this full time job. And then you add the layer of owning a small business, and it becomes quite complex.
And it's interesting, because about a month ago, I actually had major surgery. And most people aren't aware that I did this, because I didn't really share it. I didn't really acknowledge how much time I would need to recover. I was getting mixed messages. But also hearing what I wanted to hear, I was taking the information that I wanted from the guidelines because I am used to doing things myself, I am used to running the ship, my husband works in hospitality. So he is not here, especially during this time of year. And it was really hard for me to acknowledge that I was going to have to accept help, that I was actually going to have to tell some people within my business that I support that I was going to actually have to you know, draw some boundaries, and that I was going to have to take a step back.
Now an interesting thing happened in this process. And I'm sure you've heard this before. And that is by taking a step back, I was forced to do some things that I haven't done in a long time, I was forced to pick up books for enjoyment, I was forced to do some knitting, I was forced to watch TV because I couldn't do anything else. I was forced to take care of my mind and my body, I was forced to move slower. I was forced to get my kids to do some of the things that they're capable of. And sometimes I just do for them, because it's easier. And I have an episode about that right I have an episode about how important it is to ensure that we are not doing too much that part of our parent overwhelm is the habit of doing too much. And if you're interested in that episode is episode 12.
And I get caught in it too. I get caught in the busy life, the busy world. And my kids who are close to middle school, or in middle school are quite capable of doing a lot of things. And they don't always get them to do it. Because it means following up, it means that I feel like I'm nagging it means a lot of things. But the reality is, I also need to do that because they need to be accountable and responsible too. So this process has been an interesting one and one that I thought you know what, I'm actually going to share this because when you're an expert in the parenting space, it can be quite difficult to admit to the things that you need to do.
I have no problem admitting that I am not a perfect parent, I have no problem admitting that I am always working on my social emotional skills too, I have no problem, you know, discussing how my I work through tricky moments with my parenting partner, all those pieces, but it's the stuff about being a mom and the mental load of motherhood, and the holidays. And what happens when mom isn't able to show up the way she's used to showing up. I don't typically talk about those things as much because I accept that's what I do and who I am. And they're not things that typically bothered me. But I did have pause for some, you know, thought when I had my surgery, and I still have a few more weeks of recovery ahead of me. I'm great and things are going really well but I have had to reshape reset, I call it resetting the routine.
That's where I had to get my kids more on board with understanding why they need to toe the line a little more, and how that's not going to change even when I'm better. And I think that's something so important to think about as you head into the holidays will come tons of things can you do flipping into the new year, where you might be able to reset your routine, and look to taking some of your overwhelm and spreading it out a little bit by sharing it right.
So another thing that I really want to do today is, since I'm not going to be podcasting for a few weeks, and I know some people, several people have told me that they're, you know, they're trying to catch up with my podcast. And first of all, there's no need to catch up, it's an ongoing conversation and taking what pieces are important to you is amazing, and leaving the ones that don't resonate with you. Also amazing. But I thought I would highlight some of my favorite episodes, some of your favorite episodes, so that if you are looking for a way to, you know, have some listening in on some of the topics I've covered since June, this is your opportunity to maybe pick some that have resonated with others, or ones I think are really important.
I think the most important episode that I did was actually my third episode, and that is the one I did on information overload and modern parenting. And one of my big plans in 2023, is actually to dig into this a little bit more, to really talk about the importance of seeking parental advice, parenting advice, that is being given by people who have a balance of expertise. That is someone with a degree in a related field, someone who knows how to do research or understands research, right? statistics can be whatever you want them to, you have to understand how statistics work in order to understand how they can inform you, balanced against experience. And that means people who have worked with children and their families, not just a few children, a specific type, right, that lends itself more to a cookie cutter. And this idea that as we seek advice in our parenting, to inform ourselves about making new choices, being intentional, that we're really getting advice that's going to support not just us, but our children as they enter spaces like daycare and school, there's a balance in everything that we do. And it's so, so important. There is no cookie cutter approach to parenting, it doesn't exist. And I've spent a great deal of time building my program to support this idea. How can you understand your child's behavior? How can you understand yourself. So if you're looking for an episode to start that conversation, episode three, and then heading into 2023, that is going to be a big, big topic, I'm going to be busting a lot of myths, I'm going to be pulling out a lot of research. Because I think modern parents are drowning in misinformation.
The next one is not as popular with listeners. But it is one of my like, big tools that I share in my program. And that is episode eight building tools for feelings, how to use narration and books. So narration is one of the most effective ways to build a feelings vocabulary. So I actually share something in that episode that you can use every day, it doesn't cost any money, you can do it any time. And it's one of the best ways to build out tools for our feelings.
One of my personal favorites is my conversation with Paul Davis about digital safety. So if you're thinking this holiday about pictures, and who's going to share pictures, or why you're sharing pictures, how you can share pictures safely, we talked about that. We talked about cell phones, when to get them how to use them. I have a conversation coming up in the new year with an expert on on sort of shaping our relationships with technology and cell phones in really effective ways. She's very much about balance, and I really appreciate that conversation that I'm going to be having.
Tara Gratto 08:46
Another sort of one that you love my audience loves is episode 18. Being your child's safe space doesn't mean they can treat you unkindly. So one of the things I talk about regularly in my program, is are you making space for feelings in a way that's causing you harm? And how is that playing out? And how can we be a safe space without allowing that without allowing ourselves to be physically hurt or emotionally hurt? Being your child safe space doesn't mean that you have to be treated poorly. It means that we have to establish certain kinds of boundaries around making safe space for feelings with tools, right? That's really important.
As I already talked about Episode 12, the parent overwhelmed in the habit of doing too much my husband calls me out on this all the time. I've talked about several times in very in various episodes about how my husband and I grew up very differently. We had very different upbringings and access and privilege and and many things and one of the things that he is adamant about is that we need to make sure we are fostering responsibility, accountability, making sure that our children have really essential life skills for When they are not with us right for when they're at school, or when their art camp when they're out in the world and then moving forward for when they are on their own.
And then another personal favorite of mine is my episode on Isay, saying be careful, really not specific enough. And that episode is maybe not about what people think it is. A lot of people think that I'm team be careful is a bad word. And I am not actually I actually don't think the problem with Be careful, is the word Be careful, I think it's the way it's used. I think it's how often it's used. I think it's a way that we are fostering a generation of children afraid of risk. And we're doing that unintentionally. And there's a lot of things and I talk about my experiences as an outdoor preschool owner, and things that you can be doing as a parent to make sure you're fostering risky behavior in a way that's age appropriate. And I share about my experience at some outdoor conferences and things like that. So those are some of my top episodes, I'll definitely put those in the show notes.
And then I will leave you with something amazing, that I literally just shared on Instagram is I've taken my program, building resilience to kindness. And I've turned it into an on demand program. So now people can take it whenever they want to. There's no more waiting for the group program to launch and start. But I still have built in the life support that people have come to know and love and trust. So you have the opportunity to do the program in your own space at your own pace. But you still have access to asking me questions. And it was it was really a process to make that happen. Because that piece was so important to me. I know that we were never meant to parent alone. And the advice out there is so so hard to navigate. So making sure that you still had access to asking me questions was such an important part of this process. All right, I am going to leave it here. I hope you have an amazing conclusion to 2022 I wish you all the best for 2023 and I will be back with you around mid January. Have an amazing one. Thanks so much for listening. Be sure to subscribe so you'll be notified when future episodes launch. For information on how to connect with me head to Tara gratto.ca Or you can find me on Instagram at raising resilient children. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the raising resilient children podcast with Tara Gratto.
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