The Importance of Goodbye Routines

parenting tips picture books social emotional skills May 20, 2022
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Trying New Things is Hard, Separating from Loved Ones Can Be Challenging

 

A solid Goodbye Routine can support you with saying goodbye with confidence and connection!

 

The Importance of Goodbye Routines 

 

One of the realities of any big transition is that they can be hard for everyone involved.  This is particularly true for when children go to daycare or school.  Children, parents and teachers all have feelings related to the transition experience and sometimes those feelings make the transition really challenging, even feel impossible.  

As a former preschool owner I’ve supported parents through more transitions than I can count.  I learned, the most successful transitions were the ones were where parents prepared themselves and their children for the new experience with clear actions plans and a confident Goodbye Routine.

 

Something to Keep in Mind

 

As adults we spend a lot of time researching care for our children and there is a level of built in respect for educators and providers because of the importance of the role they play with our children.  Here’s the thing, your child has no idea about any of this and when you take them to their new daycare or school, they might not trust anyone.  They need some time to adjust, it’s okay if they have some Big Feelings and get upset.  This doesn’t mean you are a failure as a parent or that they don’t like their new space.  They just don’t know the people there or the space YET!

Plus, you might be having some pretty strong feelings of your own.  As hard as we try to mask our feelings, children are emotional beacons, they can sense exactly how we feel, despite our best efforts.  This is why putting together a Goodbye Routine is so important! 

 

What is a Goodbye Routine?

 

The clear and repeatable steps you take as a part of saying goodbye to your child in their space.  To be most effective, it is something you will practice ahead of time in your conversations about getting ready for school/daycare.  This part is very important because you are clearly telling your child how you will say goodbye to them. 

 

A Goodbye Routine provides:

  1. Your child with an expectation for what it will look like when you part ways.   
  2. You with a clear action plan for leaving your child.  
  3. It ensures your child's needs are met in a clear and consistent way.  You will show them that they are safe and loved.*

*This step will make you more confident in leading the routine and parting ways when it is completed.

 

Why is this important?

 

To provide structure that reinforces confidence.

 

The reality is, you need to leave your child and engaging in delay activities only makes the transition period longer and harder.  To avoid this, we need to make sure our Goodbye Routine covers all the elements of connection that are reflective of your relationship.  For some families this might include hugs and kisses, for others it will be high fives or a statement of affirmation and encouragement or some combination of any of these.

TIP: Get your children in on the planning so they have input on what needs they would like met before embarking on their daily adventure.  Make it fun and special.

Example: Okay, when I drop you off at school we’ll do double high-fives up high, I’m going to give you a super big hug and then tell you how much I love you.  Then it will be time for you to go to play in the yard and for me to head off to work.  That will be our special good-bye every morning at school.

 

A Great Book to Help You Start the Conversation: (ages 2-3+)

 

“The Kissing Hand is a story for any child who confronts a difficult situation, and for the child within each of us who sometimes needs reassurance.”

 

Grab your copy HERE

 

 For tips, tools and support like this, head to the Raising Resilient Children Resource Centre!  

 

 

 

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