4 Things More Important Than Extra-Curricular Activities

Children are over-programmed, over-stressed, over-tired and many of them cannot do the basic things they need to be successful in later life. They cannot clean up after themselves, they cannot entertain themselves, they require high levels of adult intervention to problem solve and they are generally demanding of adult attention

Yes, there is data supporting the importance of children participating in extra-curricular activities, but at what point does data become meaningful? And, when does focussing on this data become problematic? 

Here’s the really important point, many of the things listed below require skill building. Skill building takes time, consistency and patience. Above all, it needs to be started at a young age to be easier to implement and effective on a longer term. This doesn’t mean you can’t build skills with older children, but it’s an uphill battle when it comes to many of the things listed here.

4 Things More Important Than Extra Curricular Activities

1. Sleep

Long daycare and school days lend themselves to extra curricular activities that are scheduled at times that push dinner and bedtime routines later and later. In an effort to ‘fit it all in’ children are not having their sleep needs met. This leads to problematic behaviours, mental and physical fatigue and stress.

Tip: When your child is older and their bed times are naturally later, this is a space where adding more to their schedule would be beneficial.

More on the relationship between between sleep and emotional regulation in my conversation with sleep expert Lily Horbatiuk here

2. Responsibilities (chores)

Busy lives and rushed days make it difficult to put time aside to teach children responsibilities. Many young children love to be helpful and in the rush, caring adults do things for them instead of making time for them to continue to improve their skills.

When adults recognize their children need to be more responsible, children are often at an age and stage where they have become accustomed to adults doing things for them. They are also typically in an age or stage where they no desire to be helpful or responsible because they do not see how it benefits them. This chores turn into conflicts.

Tip: Instead of rushing out the door to an activity, prioritizing tidying, getting ready, doing your part as a member of the family from an early age will build habits of responsibility.

For more on the topic of chores, responsibilities and skill building check out my blog/podcast here

For more on the topic of parent overwhelm and the unintentional habit of doing too much here

3. Play Without Adult Oversight, Guidance or Involvement

Parents often share they are at their wits end trying to find a moment of peace or exhausted by trying to keep their children entertained. Educators the world over are ringing alarm bells about children’s behaviour.

The pandemic has been used as an excuse, but the reality is, these challenges have been festering for much longer. Part of the underlying problem, children are over programmed and have come to expect adults or technology to entertain them from the moment they wake up until they go to sleep.

Not to mention the fact that extra-curricular activities are a business. They are in the business of selling busy-ness and they are doing it to the parents of younger and younger children who are not always developmentally ready for the programs they attend but, parents are being sold a promise of life skills that aren’t translating to what they think long term.

Children are not being provided with opportunities to explore play and navigate social dynamics without heavy adult presence or guidance.

For more on the topic of boredom and making space for play here

For the benefits of not-over programming here

4. Intentional connection

The most misunderstood on the list might be intentional connection. The reality is, this generation of parents is one of the most present in history, but being available all the time, doing things all the time or feeling guilty about not spending enough time are not translating to the type of connection with children parents are aiming for.

Intentional connection is the product of effective language, clear boundaries and time that isn't built around 'doing things.' Hop on my weekly newsletter to be notified when my blog about Intentional Connection goes live. Join HERE